Cristian's Argument

Walking into a zoo the senses are bombarded, sights, sounds smells. All amazing, but zoos aren’t just for our consumption and viewing. Zoo’s serve a vital role in education, preservation, and protection of species. Many argue that zoos are an unsafe place for animals but argue that it is exactly the opposite. Zoos provide a necessity that allow species to thrive even after extinction and over-hunting in the wild. Zoos are necessary in this day and age and outside of its consumer basis it can do great things.

Anyone who has been paying attention for the last ten years has probably heard about pandas. Pandas have dwindled in the wild of china but zoos are helping reverse this tide. Zoos here and all over the world in cooperation with china are working to breed in captivity to increase the panda population and return them successfully to the wild. However this isn’t the only case.

Zoos allow animals like the panda to have a second chance in the natural world. While some may say that zoos are damaging to animals I see zoos doing good with limited space. While zoos display animals and sell tickets they use these funds to educate and protect. Often zoos have programs that protect endangered species, some even containing animals that are extinct in the wild. Zoos can provide these animals a second chance. Take the American Grey Wolf for example. After the swift settling of the American Mid-west wolfs were slaughtered in great numbers to protect cattle. Today though after a program set up with Zoos wolves have been re-introduced to Montana and Idaho along with the Dakotas. These wolves are thriving and now because of zoos they have a second shot after being cheated by humanity. These wolfs aren’t the only case, but in fact this is becoming more common.

The original thesis is strong and while it is hard to argue against cute animals in small cages there are areas for improvement. Outside of usual there are some typos that will be easy to fix. I very much like the intro paragraph and I don’t want to see that change too much. Overall the paper is rather good for a first draft but I would like to see more evidence in the body. I feel like you definitely embrace the personal narrative part but linger away from the argument maybe? As for evidence maybe think about another topic. I personally can argue that zoos do have good to them, and while the spaces are small we all know zoos aren’t very well funded in most cases. Zoos struggle for space and land and maybe you can point that out as an issue with our society. As for dealing with counter arguments I would suggest only taking a moment to address them and then give evidence to the contrary but don’t build too big of a straw man. The voice of the paper I think is excellent I would definitely suggest keeping the tone because your personality shines through.