Review of Heath's Paper

"Reading your paper for the first time you definitely got me smiling and laughing as a read along this absurd journey you took on paper. Your personal stories and narrative were very entertaining and the tongue in cheek aspect certainly made it a very fun read for me overall. The introduction was great and while I feel you need to maybe tie it into your topic a little better it definitely got me interested.  Maybe talk about or provide a solution for the issue, a more college like experience? In the main body I feel like you stuck with the same fun voice but you got distracted. While you tried to keep it light and in line with your personality I feel like you lost sight. You drifted away from your topic and I felt confused about what this paper was actually about. I highly suggest re reading your paper and really think about what you are trying to say. Do you want to change censorship or the whole high school educational experience? Also look at giving me examples outside of “Catcher in the Rye” for evidence. In your conclusion it seems that you suggest college is the answer? It seems almost like you want to talk about education as a whole and not just censorship. I would definitely work on providing a more concrete thesis and working on your presentation of evidence. Certainly keep the humor and your personal voice but your paper is actually confusing as far as topic is concerned. Make sure you explain a solution as well for your audience."