Miriam's Review

"Your paper certainly kept my attention and honestly was very interesting. You obviously feel strongly personally about this topic and your personal stories help solidify your case even more. However I felt that the paper was less an argument and more like a statement. By statement I mean that you told us a personal story about how this is an issue then never went any further. While you explain where this might be coming from very eloquently you miss a crucial point: how to fix it. This is really important for your argument otherwise it looks like you are just telling us a story about how poverty and family influences the culture of a learning environment. While I liked your paper very much and it was entertaining, I felt like this was serious concern definitely at the end where you just leave us with the problem and no bright future. As for rebuttals to your argument I feel like you really need to think about what anti-arguments of your paper might look like. These will help you add more meat to your paper and push it past just being a story and help it look more like an argument. Using rebuttals you can also shape a solution to the problems you laid out for us. The use of alternate and opposing viewpoints are here but I feel that you should make them more explicit and less implicit. In your conclusion maybe consider talking about what is at stake if we don’t address and fix these issues."